Anthropomorphized video players I have known

MSN video - crack whore. Absolutely no redeeming features whatsoever, will definitely crash on you, usually after one hit.

Hulu - pre-op transvestite. You’ll probably do a double take after a few drinks but quickly come to your senses.

YouTube - Paris Hilton. Fast, a little out of control, used by every fifteen year old in town, looks alright but you get kinda tired of seeing it everywhere.

Super Deluxe - Janeane Garofalo. Wickedly funny, looks great, you’ve always harbored a secret crush that some of your friends make fun of you for.

Vimeo HD - Beyonce. Smoking hot with all kinds of bling.

msnbc.com video - Scarlett Johansson. Gorgeous, classy, smarter than you might think, still won’t return my phone calls, though.

*Even though I work for msnbc.com, I had almost nothing to do with the new video player, aside from some early conceptual design ideas and bug bashing at the end. The credit goes to a very talented team of overworked coders who, frankly, kick all kinds of ass.